Post by Waters on Sept 28, 2018 20:48:08 GMT 9
Gentlemen, Scoundrels, and Brandon Brown,
The mainland is full of professional basketball teams like your own - extending to lands as exotic as Toronto, Canada, and others still yet to be decided.
However this owner, being a native of Honolulu, Hawai'i, knows two advantageous facts about any team located in this tropical paradise. ONE! That the home-field advantage for a team located here, in the Aloha State, is nearly 10 points higher than a team located in a ho-hum location such as anywhere else, and SECOND! That a team located in Hawai'i will not simply garner the support of those living in the 808 state (look it up), but also of those living throughout the pacific and beyond; be-it Micronesia, Oceania, Melanesia, Polynesia, and really all the other atolls, islands, and even artificial islands around the world.
The support of a team representing this number of human beings alone will bring with it significant revenue as Samoans, Kiwis, Aleuts, Hawaiians, and Okinawans alike purchase jerseys and tickets to games, making the financial realities of relocation a net positive. Furthermore, the advantage of bringing outside teams into our tropical paradise and subjecting them to the temptations laying within will undoubtedly bestow upon us a home-field advantage unlike any other team in our otherwise prestigious league!
I submit to YOU, the owners of the other teams in this league, that to turn down this request for relocation would reflect nothing but cowardice and self-doubt regarding the unenviable prospect of facing this team at home, where your chances of victory are as close to the ground as that of King Kameheha's back during a limbo competition at low tide.
I'll save you the embarrassment of a vote and begin the relocation process unimpeded!
Love,
Dustin Waters
The mainland is full of professional basketball teams like your own - extending to lands as exotic as Toronto, Canada, and others still yet to be decided.
However this owner, being a native of Honolulu, Hawai'i, knows two advantageous facts about any team located in this tropical paradise. ONE! That the home-field advantage for a team located here, in the Aloha State, is nearly 10 points higher than a team located in a ho-hum location such as anywhere else, and SECOND! That a team located in Hawai'i will not simply garner the support of those living in the 808 state (look it up), but also of those living throughout the pacific and beyond; be-it Micronesia, Oceania, Melanesia, Polynesia, and really all the other atolls, islands, and even artificial islands around the world.
The support of a team representing this number of human beings alone will bring with it significant revenue as Samoans, Kiwis, Aleuts, Hawaiians, and Okinawans alike purchase jerseys and tickets to games, making the financial realities of relocation a net positive. Furthermore, the advantage of bringing outside teams into our tropical paradise and subjecting them to the temptations laying within will undoubtedly bestow upon us a home-field advantage unlike any other team in our otherwise prestigious league!
I submit to YOU, the owners of the other teams in this league, that to turn down this request for relocation would reflect nothing but cowardice and self-doubt regarding the unenviable prospect of facing this team at home, where your chances of victory are as close to the ground as that of King Kameheha's back during a limbo competition at low tide.
I'll save you the embarrassment of a vote and begin the relocation process unimpeded!
Love,
Dustin Waters